Time for the Courage and Power of Equanimity
During the war in Vietnam, a hero stepped forward who inspired many in my generation by helping shift public opinion away from the quagmire the US had gotten into, eventually leading to leaving this impossible situation. Daniel Ellsberg and his wife, Patricia, became heroes when they released 7,000 pages of classified documents in what became known as the Pentagon Papers. The classified information revealed how the American public was, for years, systematically lied to about the facts surrounding our involvement and the unlikelihood of any real “victory.”
Ellsberg was a fugitive for months, described by Richard Nixon and Henry Kissinger as "the most dangerous man in America.” He faced 115 years in prison for his courageous action as the first public whistleblower in modern times. Finally, he gave himself up and was ready to face whatever consequences awaited him. A photo of the moment they came out of hiding to surrender has been, for me, a most inspiring depiction of what true courage and centeredness look like.
Surrounded by hundreds of journalists and photographers, Daniel exudes a strength and courage rarely seen in these times. Even more, Patricia radiates a calm, almost beatific presence, knowing that she is standing in her truth. There is not a trace of fear or anxiety. She is at complete peace within herself.
Gandhi coined the word “Satyagraha” or “Truth Force” to describe the balance, courage, and centeredness possible when we are aligned with the forces of goodness. This power comes from standing in your truth—the courage to unflinchingly see things as they are and know you are doing the right thing. This results in a centeredness that is untouched by outer circumstances.
In Buddhist philosophy, this centeredness and balance is called upekkha, or Equanimity. This quality is truly needed right now. Like me, you probably experience a swirl of emotions as you read the news daily: outrage, disbelief, confusion, and sadness for all who will be hurt by mean-spirited policies.
How can we skillfully work with all these feelings? How can we hold them in a way that doesn’t lead to being overwhelmed but transforms our caring and concern into something constructive that deepens our capacity to process reality and respond in a skillful way, perhaps even inspiring others to do the same? Equanimity is the key.
Difficult emotions like anger or disbelief hurt. They hurt because underneath them is caring. We feel the pain of the harm being done and the possible crumbling of everything we love about America’s ideals. Even though we often have not lived up to them, they are aspirations that inspire. By learning how to open up to difficult situations, we can access the tender feelings of caring and kindness. In touching the “soft spot,” as Pema Chödrön calls it, we connect with the deeper, more sustaining energy of goodness.
Buddhist philosophy is rooted in three basic principles: (1) Do no harm; (2) Act for the good; (3) Purify the mind/heart. Equanimity is the essential quality that supports the cultivation of these three principles. We often cause harm when we’re triggered by circumstance or someone. When we lose our centeredness, we are in what is known as the refractory period, when we are temporarily “out of our minds.” Equanimity prevents us from harming others with our reactive mind. As a result, it allows us to “Act for the good” by choosing to respond out of wisdom and goodwill. And, as we learn to process anxiety, fear, and other painful emotions that accompany our caring, Equanimity holds all the intense feelings with spacious awareness, purifying the mind.
How does Equanimity work? We can’t just flip a switch in our minds or hearts and say, “All things pass. Just relax, and it will all eventually work out.” Equanimity is a spaciousness of heart with many elements that we would do well to keep in mind during these challenging times. And it can be cultivated and deepened with practice.
One key aspect of Equanimity is courage. It takes courage to face directly what’s actually here and open to all the feelings that arise. Things are the way they are, or as Theravada Buddhist monk Ajahn Sumedho simply puts it, “It’s like this.” We honestly open to the truth that we do not like what is happening. If there is nothing we can do at this time to change things, we have two choices: We can either wish things were different and add to our frustration or we can let go of resisting and learn to accept this is how things are for now.
My friend and wisdom teacher, Terry Patten, was asked a week before he died if he was angry or lost in negative feelings about his situation. He replied, “I don’t want to waste my time being in resistance to reality. Reality wins every time. My task is to embrace it and be open to the way things are.” Don’t waste your time resisting reality. Once you accept this is what is happening, you can then get clear on how you want to respond wisely.
Being with things as they are does not mean a cool disconnection. The “near enemy” of Equanimity is apathy or indifference. We still care deeply, but Equanimity expresses wisdom in a potent but centered response. Equanimity means being willing to open up and allow all the feelings to be held in loving awareness, like a parent lovingly holding a child having a meltdown.
When you're going through a difficult time, resisting the pain or pretending it’s not there does not improve the situation. Aversion to feeling what’s there only increases it. It takes courage to really allow yourself to feel the sadness or the fear. The paradox is that awareness is what heals. We’re not investing energy in warding off what we’re really experiencing. We can be surprised to find we have the courage and strength to allow it all to be here and move through in its own time when we hold the feelings with a courageous, compassionate heart.
However, when we’re in over our heads, we need to know our limits and honor our “window of tolerance.” This is the wisdom component of Equanimity. We can “titrate our pain” by taking it a little at a time in manageable doses, remembering to refresh and nourish ourselves, too. “What do I need right now to come into balance?” is the question to ask ourselves. It’s healthy to take breaks from our sorrow and anxiety and change the channel. Reflecting on the blessings in our lives. Spending time around children. Listening to inspiring music. Tuning into all the caring people like you who want to help create a kinder, more inclusive world. Remembering you are not alone.
The essence of Equanimity is spaciousness, the wise perspective that can be balanced in the midst of it all. That spaciousness comes from understanding that everything is changing. Whatever is happening now will eventually transform into something else. This longer view is something to consider during these frightening, disorienting times. Fearing that things will not change is missing the underlying nature of reality. Hoping things will stay the same is likewise missing reality. We can begin to relax the grip of fear of the unpleasant and the tendency to grasp at the pleasant.
On the other hand, Equanimity includes accepting the possibility that things may not work out the way we hope. The Roman philosopher Seneca said, “You cease to be afraid when you cease to hope because hope is accompanied by fear.” Similarly, Charlotte Bronte wrote, “To see and know the worst is to take from Fear her main advantage.” When we accept that the worst may happen, we no longer hide from it and can begin to wisely meet it head-on. The Buddha encourages us to remember every day that we will become old, we will age, we will die, and that everything near and dear to us will be separated from us. Knowing this, we can live our lives without pretending everything will be okay. We don’t take for granted the preciousness of each day. Hand in hand with courage, Equanimity requires true acceptance of what may unfold in the near future.
Letting go of knowing the outcome also means not holding with certainty to our notions that what we fear will happen. We don’t know. The spaciousness of Equanimity includes the possibility of a bigger picture unfolding that we could not have predicted. Can you let go of knowing how you think things will turn out?
A central principle of Buddhist philosophy is that suffering is usually needed to wake us up. The more we are willing to open up to suffering, the less we’re confused by it. It becomes a catalyst that shakes us out of our complacency. It’s been said that suffering can cause faith to arise. Have you seen how your own encounters with suffering and disappointment have led to important lessons and helped you grow?
Joseph Campbell, who studied mythologies in all cultures, understood that going through great hardship is essential to The Hero’s Journey. The Christian mystic, St. John of the Cross, called this “The Dark Night of the Soul” necessary for transformation. Andrew Harvey, author of The Hope: A Guide for Sacred Activists, calls what we are collectively going through in contemporary society “The Dark Night of the Species.” This very difficult period in human evolution, filled with potential for self-destruction, can also be seen as an essential part of our collective awakening.
When we let go of knowing or needing to know how things will turn out, we can stay connected to our natural caring and fully show up for the outcome we hope to bring about. The expression of an equanimous and caring heart is wise engagement. Like Gandhi’s Satyagraha, the Buddha said that when we know our actions align with what is wholesome, we experience a deep sense of well-being and can wisely respond to the situation.
Accepting the possibility that things might not work out the way we would like need not deter us from doing what’s right. Thomas Merton said that an activist has to come to terms with the fact that what is done may ultimately be fruitless, but one should focus on the value and the rightness of things for itself. A Talmudic story similarly says that if the world were ending and knowing that nothing would make a difference, a wise, caring person would still do what’s most aligned with their heart’s deepest values.
As we process the barrage of policies intended to disorient and disempower, there is also a welling up of courageous resistance that many can sense slowly but surely building. Like the classic Yin Yang symbol, just as the light brings out the shadow, the shadow brings out the light. We have no idea how things will play out. While it’s true that ignorance can lead to suffering, it can also hasten the awakening of the species.
This is a time to cultivate Equanimity within ourselves. As we do, we will positively affect others. Cultivating balance and being centered, you can be like Thich Nhat Hahn’s calm person in the boat who helps everyone else calm down enough to safely make the treacherous journey through dangerous waters. Studies have shown that holding another person’s hand when going through physical or psychological pain actually raises our own threshold of tolerance.
Our calm, compassionate attitude is contagious. In difficult times, by knowing we are not alone in our suffering and reminding each other to stay centered in our deep caring, we inspire each other and create a field of tremendous power that can meet forces of ignorance. With the power of Equanimity, when we join hands and act with both commitment and courage, we become a formidable force for positive change.