Changing the Channel:
In Buddhist cosmology, there is a teaching about six realms of existence. At the bottom is the hell realm where beings live in perpetual suffering. Next is the hungry ghost realm, followed by the animal realm, human realm, jealous god realm and, lastly, the realm of the gods. Of the six, it is said that the human realm is the optimal one to experience full awakening because it has both sorrow and joy. Those in the heaven realm, filled with light and devoid of suffering, are not motivated to go beyond the rounds of rebirth. They do not have a chance to cultivate deep compassion, which is essential to liberation. But the human realm with its “10,000 joys and 10,000 sorrows” gives us the opportunity to meet the fullness of life with gratitude for the blessings and compassion for the suffering.
Recently, it seems that sorrow and suffering is much more prevalent on the world stage. Like many friends, my heart is breaking for the pain humans cause each other out of hatred and cruelty. In the Mideast, as with many other areas in the world, we are seeing how generations of trauma are expressed in violence and unspeakable harm.
It can be overwhelming. Many are dealing with their own dysregulation. Some, overwhelmed with despair, go numb. Others, filled with anger and hatred, take sides and include innocent victims along with those causing harm. Obviously, none of those reactions can lead to any kind of inner peace. Can we remember that there are wise loving people on all sides? Let yourself enjoy this video of 3000 people, Muslim, Christian, Jewish & more from many countries singing One Day Song, a song of peace and harmony recorded a few years ago.
I’ve been moved by this poem which expresses another way:
Today I am taking sides.
I am taking the side of Peace.
Peace, which I will not abandon
even when its voice is drowned out
by hurt and hatred,
bitterness of loss,
cries of right and wrong.
I am taking the side of Peace
whose name has barely been spoken
in this winnerless war.
I will hold Peace in my arms,
and share my body’s breath,
lest Peace be added
to the body count.
I will call for de-escalation
even when I want nothing more
than to get even.
I will do it
in the service of Peace.
I will make a clearing
in the overgrown
thicket of cause and effect
so Peace can breathe
for a minute
and reach for the sky.
I will do what I must
to save the life of Peace.
I will breathe through tears.
I will swallow pride.
I will bite my tongue.
I will offer love
without testing for deservingness.
So don’t ask me to wave a flag today
unless it is the flag of Peace.
Don’t ask me to sing an anthem
unless it is a song of Peace.
Don’t ask me to take sides
unless it is the side of Peace.
—Rabbi Irwin Keller, October 17, 2023
There are other responses to the news besides responding with hatred or numbing out. One that I want to offer is letting yourself take a break from it all, getting some space from all the chaos to consciously nourish yourself. One might feel guilty, thinking taking a break from the news and letting yourself enjoy life is a copout when there’s so much sorrow. However, letting the heart open in gratitude by tuning into what’s good is not avoidance, but a way to skillfully fortify the soul.
Nourishing ourselves means letting in all the goodness in life. Wisely “changing the channel” enables us to keep the heart open. We create a bigger container to help hold all the painful feelings. When we’re working with trauma, it is essential to respect our “window of tolerance,” the healthy zone between overwhelm and numbing out. Being in touch with our feelings, opening to them with kind awareness, helps us skillfully metabolize our pain. We are not disconnected from life, nor are we dysregulated. Nourishing ourselves is one way to calm down the dysregulation.
Gratitude is one immediate and direct way to create some space in the mind. When the mind is contracted with worry, it naturally gets into a rut of seeing what’s wrong. There is little room for wisdom to shine through. Psychologist Daniel Goleman points out the problem with worry: “New solutions and fresh ways of seeing a problem do not typically come from worrying, especially chronic worry. Instead of coming up with solutions to these potential problems, worriers typically simply ruminate on the danger itself, immersing themselves in a low-key way in the dread associated with it while staying in the same rut of thought.” Reflecting on all the blessings in our life warms and softens the heart. With that spaciousness we are more likely to notice all the good around us.
It takes practice to look for the good because of our tendency to see what’s wrong. Neuroscience calls this our negativity bias. The wholesome and nourishing benefit that comes from gratitude can actually be increased when we bring mindful awareness to it, feeling the experience in the body. It’s one thing to know that you’re feeling grateful. It’s another to know in your body: this is what it feels like to feel grateful. Awareness applied to that wholesome feeling deepens the experience.
We all have our own natural go-to sources of nourishment. The trick is remembering them when life is too much. What helps you when you’re feeling contracted? What do you do to relieve the pressure and open the heart? Perhaps it’s moving the body and discharging energy through exercise or yoga. Or taking a walk in nature. Maybe listening to music that soothes or lifts your spirits. Reaching out to a friend can help overcome the feeling of isolation. Or perhaps meditating.
Whatever helps you soften and relax the contraction of heart, trust your natural wisdom. No judgment for taking a break from the sorrow and stress you might be holding. The world’s suffering will be there when you’re ready to let it in again. Then, you will be able to respond with more energy and balance. This process of honoring the heart requires patience. The heart does not respond to a demand but more to an invitation.
Here are some words of wisdom on “How to Open Your Heart” by author and poet, Jeff Foster:
“Do not try to open your heart now. That would be a subtle movement of aggression towards your immediate embodied experience. Never tell a closed heart it must be more open; it will shut more tightly to protect itself, feeling your resistance. A heart unfurls only when conditions are right; your demand for openness invites closure. This is the supreme intelligence of the heart.
Instead, bow to the heart in its current state. If it's closed, let it be closed; sanctify the closure. Make it safe; safe even to feel unsafe. Trust that when the heart is ready, and not a moment before, it will open, like a flower in the warmth of the sun. There is no rush for the heart.
Trust the opening and the closing too; the expansion and the contraction; this is the heart's way of breathing; safe, unsafe, safe, unsafe; the beautiful fragility of being human; and all held in the most perfect love.”
Allow yourself to be right where you are. Don’t rush the process. But know that creating space in the mind and heart is one of the best supports for wise action based in love. And sometimes that can mean, for a while, changing the channel from drama to nourishment.