Keeping the Heart Open in Uncertain Times (Part I)
Because we care so much, we can easily get caught in worry, fear, anger and despair when we think what is best for our loved ones and society is threatened. This is when spiritual practice is needed most. How can we use our practice to develop a balance of mind in unpredictable circumstances, have love be the source of our engagement, and deepen compassion for those who are motivated by hate without getting caught in "othering"?
These are scary times. Who can argue with that? Though I’ve looked at the news and polls every day, I try to let go of figuring out what’s going to happen and try to stay in the present. Recently, though, I woke up with a “middle of the night fear” and let myself feel my worst-case scenario, letting my mind play out the election going the “wrong” way. My body was one big contraction. My mind was spinning. I was grateful for having learned tools to work with the fear and worry. And it was also important to let myself feel the pain, imagining what so many, especially those with less privilege, might be going through.
Pema Chodron writes,
“Only when we know our own darkness well can we be present with the darkness of others. Compassion becomes real when we recognize our shared humanity. We can let the circumstances of our lives harden us so that we become increasingly resentful and afraid, or we can let them soften us and make us kinder and more open to what scares us. We always have this choice.”
By allowing and making space for all our feelings, our suffering can lead to compassion for ourselves and others. The challenge is to honor our “window of tolerance”–-sensing our limit of what we can feel without going into overwhelm, titrating our suffering a little at a time.
Here is a meditation called “Welcoming It All” that I recently learned from Judi Cohen, a wise friend and teacher:
Welcome to this moment
Welcome to whatever thoughts and emotions are arising in this moment, in yourself and that you can notice in others:
Welcome to concern
Welcome to curiosity
Welcome to anxiety
Welcome to fear
Welcome to thoughts of victory
Welcome to thoughts of catastrophe
Welcome to all thoughts and emotions
Welcome to whatever is happening in this moment to evoke those thoughts and emotions for you and for others. It’s the truth of what’s happening.
What emotions arise for you about the US election and the different possibilities? Can you let yourself feel them while staying somewhat balanced? You might ask yourself, “What do I need right now to regulate myself?” A break from the news? A walk in nature? Reaching out to a friend? Can you give that to yourself?
Whatever you might be going through, I recommend holding it with as much Mindful Self-Compassion as needed. Here is my version of the “Mindful Self-Compassion Break” developed by Kristen Neff and Christopher Germer. You might try this, or your own variations of these phrases, whenever you’re in need of calming down.
Place your hand on your heart or give yourself some other soothing touch. (This is a physiologically soothing action which releases oxytocin, a powerful comforting hormone.)
Say to yourself: “This is a moment of suffering.” (or some variation that resonates with you like: “This is really hard.”)
Then: “Suffering is a part of life.” (You might find it helpful to reflect on all the people in the world who are going through what you are right now.)
Then: “May I hold my suffering with kindness and compassion.”
Just as you would hold a child that is having a meltdown, let the wisest part of you hold the anxious part that needs comforting.
A key support for staying balanced is to not project into the future. Fear is always about the future. That’s a key reason that staying in the present is a refuge. As you practice staying in the present and can respond wisely to the reality that is here right now, you will less likely be lost in the fearful stories your mind is creating about the future. And when that future comes, you will be more likely to deal with that moment instead of fearing the future that lies ahead.
When you stay in the present everything is more workable. You are aligned with another liberating truth: Everything changes. Life will continue to unfold. You will be able to meet it with a balance and centeredness that will help you respond wisely, supported by your practice of kindness, compassion and integrity.
Keeping our hearts open by finding balance within ourselves allows us to respond wisely—without hatred or othering to those who live in different realities. In a few days, I’ll share my thoughts and some practices on that theme.
May you have balance and keep your heart open in the coming days.